Alternating Grumpies

I'm not sure sometimes if it's better when Kev and I are on the same grumpy/ok schedule or if it's better when we alternate. There's pros and cons to both. If only one of us is grumpy at a time, there aren't the HUGE blow ups ... but then there's not times when we're both in good moods either. If we are both grumpy at the same time.. well... it usually involves yelling and vague accusations about the other not being fair or not understanding....
I also have trouble sometimes figuring out what expectations are reasonable and what are unreasonable as far as help around the house. I do sometimes feel that there are three of us making the mess and only one that cares whether it gets picked up or not. And even if others DON'T care .. I do. And.. well.. even if they don't care.. the "rent" for living here is supposed to be "doing chores" to help keep the house up. I have that in writing. But then Kev gets home from work tired and cranky and one of two things happens: either i feel really bad for him and tell him to go sleep so he doesn't get sick. Or Rushi has things she wants to do and off he goes with her without so much as a "is there anything you need me to do first..." Either way I end up feeling somewhat resentful that my house is still a mess. And mad at myself because my hip won't let me keep up with what I judge I should be able to do around here. Sigh. I do this to myself all the time: I crave the company so I don't push "issues" when people are here, and once they leave or go to sleep or whatever that leaves me alone... all I can see is the chaos and mess. Kev saying "it looks fine" does not help.. it does not look fine! And it's hot today so that makes me grumpy too.
Got one of Kaiser's follow up hospice letters today and it was talking about journalling. Kinda liked one of their suggestions.. that each time you write, include one happy or funny or somehow upbeat story of the person you are grieving. Now... I'm not going to try to include stories about all 3 every time... but I will try to include something. And if I feel like it being a dad story instead of Mom or Mike or Glen.. well, that's ok too.
So let's see.. one thing I've been thinking about a lot lately for whatever reason.. a couple of blocks from Mom & Dad's house in Novato was a park.. nothing fancy, mostly just a hill with nothing built on it. Before the football series started, when the boys (sorry Kimber, this predates you) were all little and would start getting a little rowdy, Uncle Glen would take them all: John, Michael, Keith, Kevin and Mark.. and herd them up to the park. One would think that would be a bit like herding cats, but he managed and gave them all an outlet and opportunity to do something with the "little boy energy." Good stuff.