Trying again...

So nothing like a little 6 month gap between posts. Posting about how Glen was doing was FAR easier than writing about Katie. But I'll try again.

Still having great trouble with the hips. While Glen was sick I hadn't even noticed how bad they'd gotten. First day I really noticed was the day of the funeral. Now have a scooter to go longer distances (like the mall, or a movie, or the grocery store!). Still didn't make me as independent as I wanted because even disassembled it is too heavy for me to lift. Friday, I'm having a carrier put on the Pilot (think bike rack on steroids!). That should be a big step for independence.

Will I get if fixed eventually... yes. Of course. But this is not that time... I still freeze up at the mere thought. After having so many bad things happen in a row, I've been told it's pretty natural for me to "catastrophize" things... if something can have an awful outcome I assume it will. I have also been told that the way to move beyond post trauma stress is to go forward in baby steps.

I don't hear as many scary noises in the house any more, even if I'm home alone. I try not to be too dependent on Kevin and Rushi... but they are in fact my way of staying grounded and moving forward without them right now is not something I'd like to think about. And if Kevin ever moves he's going to have to take the cat with him, because right now I need him for "dead wildlife removal." She brought in a rat the size of a possum the other night!

My current goal is to get out and do something, even something small, at least one or two times a week. This week maybe I overdid a bit. Spent the night at my friend Karen's house Saturday (So that's a Saturday AND Sunday adventure). Used the pool Monday. (Even when I say I'm not going to do exercises while I'm in there.. .I do). Took the kids out to breakfast yesterday. Today, cleaning lady came and a grocery delivery. I THINK I have a quiet day tomorrow but then Friday I have the carrier put on the car, and if they're done in time, I have my widows grief support group in the afternoon... something that is fun and good for me but also exhausting.

Soooo... I may have overdone it a bit. And it was exactly this time last year when Glen started getting worse quickly. Having a sad day today and expecting I'll probably have a couple more the next couple weeks. So... baby steps Katie. Baby steps.